The more I read the blogs of other folks, I've started to think that I am losing my smarts. I am morphing into that person that can tell you about all of the good pre-schools in the area, the best tasting soymilks, all of the newest Disney-type films, and which style of boy's underwear fit the best.
I used to be a pretty active individual--I watched the news instead of Nickelodeon or Disney channel and I could stay awake, breaking down the science of any new political or social phenomenon. I marched whenever I could, I made positive movements in my community, and I worked for the welfare of those people who are oppressed throughout the world. I was definitely broke, but felt my spirit blossom in the service of other humans.
Don't get me wrong, I still have those thoughts and feelings, I still donate my time and money to organizations that do good in my community and my world and I try very hard to express the need for doing so to my son.
If I don't reflect too much on it (like I feel myself doing right now), I can get through my daily routine (wake, dress, school, work, LUNCH, school, grocery, home, food, bath, exercise, shower, bed), I can still sleep knowing that I am making my child's life better, but how important is his single life in the scope of the entire world--or our small community?
I've found a way to shrink out of the world and focus on my very small (in relation to the world I once lived in) existence, but at what cost?
What I am hoping will happen (I am a planner, by the way) is that as my son grows older, we'll be able to grow back into the community and world and be the responsible humans we need to be together (with his father, OF COURSE--I didn't forget, sweetie). I have told myself that if I can grow this sweet loving, vivacious little boy (excuse me, BIG BOY) into a responsible man, I've done more for the world than I can every imagine. My legacy should live through him, his actions will one day continue the work I started as a teen and that may be bigger than doing it myself.
SO, instead of feeling guilty that I am not serving the world directly everyday like my heart aches to do, I am re-inforcing my belief that everything I do to grow this boy into a man is the payoff...and maybe my global community can love me for it later....a shrine would be nice.
:)
be blessed--Ama
About Me
- soledadsista3
- Wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend,student, teacher, healer, sick, spiritual daughter of light and love, spiritual mother of all and child of the ancestors.
3 comments:
in my house, at this moment, we are trying to teach the wee one the beauty of compassion. ahhhh, this is harder than i thought. yet, she is just 18 mos. there is time. i admire the hell out of my brothers and sisters who know the importance of raising a good, whole person. i raise my glass of coke to you!!! continue with the verbal diarrhea, it is contagious!! (smile)
my mother has to keep telling me that raising 'proper citizens' is a job bigger than BEING a 'proper citizen' and that what I am doing with my son is so much more important...Its just hard to feel like I am affecting the world directly through him when I deal with temper tantrums and 'potty' talk everyday...but I suppose it all evens out sooner or later.
stay blessed.
I know I'm late to comment on this post - but I've been thinking about de-lurking and posting a comment for well over a week now, so here it goes...
Many great social justice advocates and spiritualists tell us that all of our efforts to change the world are nothing if they are not done with love. So , in my mind, this is what you are doing: raising your son with love - because he is wonderful, of course - but also because it makes all the world a better place when one child feels loved and nurtured.
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