The Tragically un-tragic Mulatto: the myspace blog...sitting...running...watching...doing

sitting...running...watching...doing
Current mood: full
Category: of what, you ask... Life

I just remembered that my very first blog was a stance in which I utterly refused to find something to blog about...but I often feel the push (very similar to vomitting, if you're looking for THAT feeling) to say what's really going on in my world, if only to say it to myself...without worry of judgement or argument...sometimes I simply don't write what I've thought out in my head in order to save those who might read what I've written without any sort of perspective....
not today...
I'd like to proclaim today that...
1. My life is ALWAYS going to be hectic, and I know that my strength is being able to continue living in the craziness without going crazy...There are some people who become their lives, their jobs, or their situations and cannot live while dealing with it all... I can...might be a little special because of that...(also, I simply refuse to be "stressed", even when I could be classified as such...I am too aware of every breath to be stressed...and a little blessed, I am sure)
2. I have a really WONDERFUL and LOVING husband and the little piddles that cause ruffles in our relationship are really NOTHING...he takes his vow to love and honor very seriously...as well as his own urge to love and care for me, no matter what kind of crazy, maniacal bitch I may seem to be...I say seem because we all know its the appearance, not the reality. Even though we were married in what seemed like a whirlwind, there were years of thinking that he was one of the two men I could see myself with forever and since he was the smarter of the two and grabbed me up first (HA HA HA HA--that's funny!)-well, he BOUGHT the cow, ya know...I know we were blessed to return to each other when we did and I blame Ellegua for it COMPLETELY...maybe one day, I will tell you THAT story...but it was all Ellegua, even when I thought I didn't believe. Bottom line: our luck is pretty damn good, I wouldn't trade him for a winning lottery ticket (unless I knew I would see him again and could do all this over again, because I know for sure he'd love me and the money would help out).
3. my life is a work of fiction, written by the ancestors and spirits and I am an active participant in the editing of that novella. Even if I don't light a candle every day, I know where I come from (even when I didn't really know, I knew) and who is watching over me...Every bless-ed word from my mouth (or hands) has been filtered through those ancestors and spirits to be the blessing they become to those who are listening (reading)...I am a vessel of the love and adoration those ancestors and spirits have for everyone, and often surprise myself with the revelations that I spew...there is nothing better than having a spiritual connection that fulfills you...I get the evangelical christians now more than ever (WHO WOULDA THUNK IT?)
3b. I could go on and on about how happy my spirit is, even when I am still working on it.
4. If I hadn't already said it, I am so VERY HAPPY to be finally working where I am and should be right now...I know that I am hard-headed and it takes me a minute to get where I need to be (on a "universal story of Ama's life" level, not "being late to work" or "getting sidetracked and not making it somewhere important")...Its taken almost 32 years, but I realize that I am just that person and when its time for me to go where I really SHOULD BE, I am in there and often not amazed that things work out like they shoulda in the first place...Although I don't wake up spritely every day (I LOVE SLEEP!!!), I am truly excited to go into my job and greet my students and get on with the day's work, even if its just playing connect four for hours or painting or swimming...I just love my job and can't believe that my day is over when it is...
5. I keep forgetting things...CONSTANTLY...and it might just be because I spend 9 hours a day away from everything, unable to answer my cell phone or read emails or check MYSPACE ( I probably wouldn't as much these days anyways) and when I get home, I am B-Z...but I'd forget the boy if there weren't pictures of him everywhere...okay, just JOKING...there's not THAT many pictures...ha! Silly papa 'legba!
6. Even school is great--- Iam getting all A's (REALLY, A's...that NEVER happened before)...and I seem to be actually learning stuff...go figure...for those of you that don't know, I really didn't like high school or college until I was about to graduate from both...I didn't start learning things until my 4th year in college (and I was a 5 yr student), and then it was over...my grades sucked and I had no plans...That's something I never want to pass on to my kid...everyone needs a plan, even if you end up scrapping it at some point, at least you have a plan...
7. I love everyone in my extended family, but don't mind that I hardly talk to them...I find that I (not them, mostly) end up fitting me back into ALL the drama and who needs that? Listen, I've got two mom's, a step-mother, a step-birth father, two brothers from two different families, a mother-in-law, a father-in-law who is out of the country, a step-father-in-law who is IN the country(although not right now), brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law, two fathers (well, one that I actually know), and HUNDREDS (literally) of cousins from mid-50's to newborn...and that doesn't count all the friends that are really extensions of THAT family...I mean, we'll catch up when I visit..

so, now, I don't even remember why I started this blog, but I got a little of that stuff out of me...hope you enjoy the random musings...kudo on, my friend, kudo on.
bless-ed love, light, and excellence
Ama